I never realized this was going to be such a draining, exhausting, emotional journey. The pursuit of health is hard... Hard enough that sometimes I wonder if it is worth it. Its so much easier to just sit back, relax, and eat whatever I want whenever I want. But in the end, its harder to look in the mirror every day and hate what I see. Its harder to not be able to enjoy a hike or a bike ride. And its harder to dread going to the beach because a bathing suit reveals all those things a oversized tee hides. I have to keep my goal at the forefront of my mind. I am not pursuing this because I want to have a thigh gap or rock hard abs. I pursue this because I want to be strong, I want to run, I want to be healthy.
In saying all these things, it is small steps, one right after the other.
I have always wanted to run, ever since I was a teenager. I never tried, because one day a neighborhood boy called me fat. I had never felt fat until that very moment. Once the realization hit me, I obsessed over my weight. Once I started obsessing, I began starving. I posted pictures of supermodels on my wall, and with every skipped meal, I felt one step closer to becoming who I really wanted to be.
Society tries to sell us these quick fixes for our weight and health problems. My idea of skipping meals wasn't my own. I knew from the women around me that this could cause weight loss. I saw the commercials for diet programs, drinks, fasts, cleanses... whatever other fad that is the new miracle weight loss cure. But it doesn't work. The thing is, if you are overweight, then there is no miracle weight loss method. You will have to work and sweat and work some more. You will have to watch what you eat, you will have to exercise and stick to it. No pill, no diet will give you lasting success. I wish I learned this years ago.
In january I decided to let go of my insecurity and start working toward a better me. I joined an Intro to Yoga class. This took all of my courage to exercise in a group setting, but it proved to be life changing. It gave me confidence to pursue my dream, running. In february, I joined a running clinic and March 19th I ran my first 5 k. ( Im hoping to write more about running in my next entry).
Step one: If you want it, you have to work for it. Join a class.